Guest post by Yogasteya blogger April Eckwielen
I’ve been into yoga for about 6 years now. I started as a student back in 2009 and then began to teach in 2013. In that time period, many things have shifted in my life. Some good, some bad; but they were all part of my story and have made me who I am today.
One part of my story that I seem to re-write over and over again is about authenticity; speaking and living my truth. The reason I say that I keep re-writing this is because it is forever popping up in the conversations I have with myself. I tend to put myself under a microscope and study this energy that I am made up of probably way more than I should.
Looking back at when I was a yoga student, I didn’t have a care in the world about my practice. I went to several classes a week and just enjoyed being in the moment. Now that I have added teacher to my list of credentials, I feel I need to be doing more, teaching more and truly living my yoga. The problem is, I’m not doing any of that.
Instead, I have battles in my head over why I am not good enough, why I’m not as “popular” as some of my yogi friends, why my classes seem to be plateauing, why I keep getting the brush off from studios I contact about teaching for, why I can’t concentrate on a home practice and why am I still scared shitless of crow pose? All of these questions play over and over again in my head and of course, my internal dialog loves to come up with the answers. I didn’t take the right kind of training, I don’t spend hours on taking the perfect picture of a pose to post on social media, my style of teaching is not what people want, I don’t fit in to the yoga teacher mold, I don’t have time or willpower to practice on my own and crow pose just freaks me out, ok?
All of this mindless chatter that is inside my head is blocking me from my true self. It is putting up a concrete wall, keeping me from showing the world who I really am. Deep down inside, I am screaming my truth. It just hasn’t made it to my throat yet. My feelings of not being worthy of being accepted into this yoga community and my constant fear of failure are my biggest road blocks. Basically, I can talk the talk, but I’m not 100% walking the walk.
How does this all change? I’m still figuring that answer out. One thing I do know is that I am me and there is no one else out there like me. I have my own unique gifts to offer and if people do not like me then I have to be ok with that. As we move into a new year, it’s time to take action. As hard as it, changes need to be made. Baby steps need to be taken. I need to learn to trust the process and not be worried with keeping up with the yoga Joneses. I need to do my own thing and let it go from there. I need to work on that monkey mind that I have and quit feeding that inner dialogue. Like I tell my students, “Honor where you are at and just be you”. It’s time I listen to my own words and really let them sink in. Life is a huge rollercoaster ride. Sometimes it takes a bit to climb that hill and reach the point where you can throw your arms up in the air and enjoy the ride.
As for tackling crow pose? That is a blog article in itself and may just always have to be my nemesis.
April is a unique gal whose passions include yoga, writing, energy work and the occasional pin up convention. On this fantastic life journey, she has her husband and two children cheering her on. She is a 200 hr. certified yoga teacher, certified prenatal yoga teacher and Curvy Yoga certified. She focuses on balancing the chakras through yoga and meditation. Her passion is educating her community that yoga is for everyone regardless of body type or ability. She has recently opened her own mobile yoga business, Red Lotus Yoga in Winter Garden, FL. Find her on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and on her website at www.redlotusyogafl.com.